Theater Review - Bawdy call

A good prostitute should know how to fake it, but Horizon Theatre’s Cafe Puttanesca wouldn’t last long walking the streets. The cabaret-style musical means to show the audience a risque, rollicking good time, but the effort and contrivance show from nearly start to finish.

At an Amsterdam cafe in 1948, three veteran ladies of the evening — the French Marquesa (LaLa Cochran), the German Baroness (Michelle Lynne Martin) and the English Duchess (Kenya Hamilton) — gather for a final evening of songs and dirty jokes before one leaves “the life” to get married. The trio wade through a few sentimental tunes about the loneliness of working girls, but Cafe Puttanesca primarily comprises a kind of European Union of festive tavern music: can-cans worthy of the Moulin Rouge, drinking songs suitable to Berlin’s Kit Kat Club, and more.

Two actresses hold up their ends of the bargain. With rolling hips and a throaty, suggestive voice, Martin could be a fully ripened Marlene Dietrich and provides the evening’s biggest turn-on whenever she takes the spotlight. Cochran throws her whole body into her performance: In a comedic Russian quick-change number, she enacts the death of Rasputin while wearing lingerie and a fake beard. You don’t laugh very much, but you salute her energy.

Hamilton lustfully belts out the bluesy “Don’t Bother the Bee,” but otherwise couldn’t seem less English. Her accent sounds like a high schooler’s idea of cockney, while her garish costume would suit a peasant in a Disney cartoon. As the cafe’s American owner, Phillip Webster shows off the most powerful pipes of the evening, but exudes an overbearing smugness, especially when he dances an Irish jig with a frying pan.

Puttanesca’s eagerness to entertain never quite conceals a pervasive phoniness. John Thigpen’s admittedly gorgeous set looks like it’s never seen a puff of cigarette smoke. The audience participation feels utterly forced, and the cast might as well hold up signs that say, “All spectators must clap along — on pain of death.” Cafe Puttanesca tries to celebrate the universal delights of garter belts, raunchy limericks and catchy melodies, yet too often feels about as sexy as kissing your maiden aunt.

Cafe Puttanesca plays through Nov. 28 at Horizon Theatre, 1083 Austin Ave. Wed.-Fri., 8 p.m.; Sat., 8:30 p.m.; Sun., 5 p.m. $18-$25. 404-584-7450. www.horizontheatre.com.